Not all treasure is silver and gold - Chapter 25

Ahoy me good crew!!

More pages are updated now! If I forgot yours please let me know and I will fix it! Sorry, I kinda bit of more than I can chew here! *wink* Thanks all so much for all the creativity kitties!! You guys keep amazing me!!

Some of you guys even wrote a bio and posted a picture of themselves! I Actually used a picture myself to set an example! I suggest we all do the same! Pic is of course optional and so is the rest but come on...don't you wanne have the coolest pirate page? Of course you do! ARGGG!

You can still update whatever you like! Just tell me and I'll update your page. My email is
KarinvanKralingen@hotmail.com

Ok, the pages can be found here:The Crew of the Black Heart
And since I had no time to check if every link worked, here are all the pages: LJ

This week Countrys!! Updated your page! (No? working on it!) 

BUT: That doesn't mean I dont need more ideas!! Think me beauties! THINK! Suprise with your lovely ideas!!

-Captain karinvam and First matevillespunkchick

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Chapter 1 - Pirates!
Chapter 2 - Its all true
Chapter 3 - Yes Captain
Chapter 4 - Never trust a pirate
Chapter 5 - Waking up in hell
Chapter 6 - Not that innocent
Chapter 7 - Right Decision, Wrong Choice
Chapter 8 - Damn him!
Chapter 9 - Missed a spot
Chapter 10 - C'est une belle histoire
Chapter 11 -Kisses and Dramaqueens
Chapter 12 - Damaged
Chapter 13 - Liar

Chapter 14 - Saved to kill you

Chapter 15 - When I need you most
Chapter 16 - No black no white
Chapter 17 - All Better
Chapter 18 - Last night was a lie
Chapter 19 - Todat would be hell
Chapter 20 - It was you
Chapter 21 -You were me
Chapter 22 - Just like me
Chapter 23 - God no...Please no...
Chapter 24 - Together

Chapter 25 - Free

I didn’t know how he had managed to do it, but yet I could not find myself surprised that he had.

When I opened my eyes in the early sun of the next morning, I woke up in his bed. Safely tucked into the warm silk wrapped snug around my naked body.

I did not know how he had possibly done all of it without waking me, but the last thing I remembered from last night was drifting off on top of his warm, soft and limb body as he slowly breathed into my ear.

Safely wrapped in his embrace, and in the afterglow of our psychical connection.

Last night he must have carried me to the bed with such gentleness that had kept me in my safe sleep, and that thought made a glowing warmth spread inside my belly.

I was not surprised to see he was not in the bed, and gone from the room. After all, the sun was already up. And so was he, if only to prove to me that he would keep his word. That indeed nothing had changed after last night.

That he was still my Captain more than anything else.

My Captain.

Yet, it wasn’t the truth. Something had changed, no matter how he was telling me it couldn’t. No matter how hard he believed it.

Because even if he still was the same, he couldn’t see what had changed in me.

Last night, he had failed keeping the distance. He had let me have a taste of his heart and the idea of what the world would look like when he was gone from it. Both had tasted sour.

No matter what he would do or say to protect himself, last night he had showed me that he would truly keep his world. That he would not hurt me. Nor use me. And that he cared.

Meaning, somewhere deep inside of him, I meant something to him. And that maybe I was not able to trust him, but I could at least count on him to catch me when I needed catching.

Something I had never had in my life before, I found with a pirate Captain. No matter how much I still feared him, the fear of him leaving me behind feared me so much more.

And so it was love.

Yes, so he had dangerously worn his way inside my heart, head and soul and leaving me sure about something for the very first time on this ship among all this confusion.

He meant more to me than any person ever had. He knew me better than any person had ever cared enough to get to know me. Even myself.

And so yes…It was love.

The shape of his slim body was still visible on the sheet right next to me. Close enough to know he had slept with his skin pressing against mine.

My hand traced the silk lightly to feel it was no longer warm, but soft as his real flesh would have felt against my fingertips.

Last night had hurt in its perfection, and for the very first time I was not afraid to start my day here. No matter how cold his eyes could be in the morning, I knew they would at least heat up when the sun went down.

It was not much, but it was enough for now. I needed it. I craved it. I was addicted to it already.

He could not be with me, but at least he was able to make me feel warmer and more wanted than I would ever be.

Than anyone would ever be.

Because I was different. He had told me this. I was not like the others.

What I wanted this to mean…..I wasn’t sure. But I knew I wanted him to be a part of it. Because he would already always be a part of me in ways he carried parts of my soul and heart I did not want to claim back.

So even going home now would not bring me to the point where my life had been before all of this. It would leave me incomplete.

It would bring me back to church to remind me of all the sins we had shared, and the life I would never be able to live. A life with another man.

Was I a homosexual? I had heard the term in church. When a man would sleep with another man. A sin.

I did not know if I was. But I knew no man or woman that would enter my life now would be able to have an impact on me that would scar my soul like he had.

Going back….It would bring me to my family and a wife to marry. A wife whom I could never love. Who could never make me feel the things he…..

It all seemed so empty. Meaningless.

I shook the unpleasant though off me, before I sat up straight in de bed and withdraw my hand off the silk.

I had not forgotten his words about today, and despite the knowledge of the reason why, these words excited me.

We were going ashore today. Set foot on land for the very first time since….

Land was more my world than theirs, and so being there as a part of a pirate crew….it made me feel somewhat excited.

The letter I pushed from my mind. Once my parents would get it….So much time would go over it anything could happen. Anything I did not want to think about right now.

More familiar with the bed I let my body slide to the side of it. Still on back as my feet landed gently on the comforting wood of the floor. I sat up on the edge of the bed as I undid the bundle of silk around me to leave it behind and to look down my naked body.

Feeling slightly uncomfortable, yet intrigued to be able to look at myself on my own for the very first time.

Feeling rather......

After his appreciative looks last night, his words about me....yes feeling rather attractive.

My skin felt caressed by the morning sun as it's fresh rays fell from the small window on my body. Making my tanned skin glow like gold.

Or maybe that glow was caused by the treat of his delicate fingers worshipping it last night. More than the sun could ever make it glow.

Making my entire body, in and outside, dance and sing from it's beautiful intensity.

I felt my cheeks flush, and quickly looked away from myself as I could feel my underbelly stir from the thoughts about last night. Seeing myself come to life like this, I was not able to handle just yet.

My clothes, not found on the floor where I left them last night, I located yet again neatly folded on the chair of his desk. Making a small blush, together with a smile creep up my face as I couldn't help shaking my head at the sight.

So vulnerable and kind. Almost parenting in a way, and so incredibly out of place.

He would never let me be a part of his life, nor would I ever belong to such a powerful, unattainable pirate Captain, yet he would fold my clothes in the morning like a maid. Like a loving mother.

If it was for me, or simply something he always did, I didn't ponder over for too long as I got myself dressed with a gently fire burning inside my heart.

As soon as all my buttons were done up, I got on my knees on the wooden floor in front of the glass of the cabin he had showed me my reflection in last night.

Afraid, crying, pale yet flushed....and most of all in need for him to want me. To look at me. To feel special in his arms.

Now I was seeing myself looking back at me with bright, clear blue eyes as I took in my appearance with a smile.

My tanned skin stood out so much against the whiteness of my clean shirt. He had replaced it this morning with a new one, and the fresh material suited my mood.

Instead of bloodshot, swollen eyes there was a twinkle I had not seen in them yesterday. I had not seem in them.....ever.

Love.

My tangle of chocolate brown curls were getting long and straightened out by the length, wind and salt, and some of the strands were so long they were starting to fall into my eyes. Making me look different. Making me look...more playful.

Less like a governors son.

I tried but failed to tame the mop, using my fingers as a comb. Never the less my hair did not look oily, or disgraceful.

Even without the wig, even without my best clothes, I had liked what I had seen.

I looked calmer. More relaxed. Touched. Different.

I looked older, an in all honesty I considered myself quiet handsome. Rougher, like a man instead of a boy.

I looked.....I looked in love.

**

 As the realisation hit me I saw my own eyes widen in front of me. I saw now what this meant, or even more...what it caused within me.

I was in love with a sinful, dangerous pirate Captain. And caused by this was...indifference. Indifference and ignorance to everything else that would have kept me from him.

My faith, my fear for the eternal fire, and the sins I had committed without regret. The need to turn my back on all I knew; my family, my life and my status.

It was gone. Gone from my mind.

And in return that hole was filled by my feelings and my desires. For a man. For this man.

And I didn't care.

I just...I didn't care. None of it mattered. Because I was in love.

I was in love with a man that cared for me and wanted to share his bed with me. The most beautiful, powerful, desired man in this world.

Something that felt so good inside, I could not understand how it could be wrong. How it would damn me to the black pits of hell.

And how I would ever live without it.

Looking into my own eyes as saw a smile replacing the frown on my face.

I felt alive. I felt real.

For the very first time, I felt free from home.

I was free, because I was in love.

**

Part 2