Not all treasure is silver and gold - Chapter 14

It was still early when I woke from my deep, warm sleep.

Disturbingly comfortable as the pleasant silk sheets were warmed by my body heat as it lay against my rosy skin.

I noticed it was early by the way the sunlight fell into the room, giving it a beautiful, orange glow. Soft for my just woken eyes and making the atmosphere almost magical. It was sunrise.

I yawned contently, stretched my body like a big cat and rolled onto my stomach with a low moan.

This was so nice...I didn't want to get up yet. I just wanted to......

A gasp escaped me as I bolted right up with my eyes suddenly wide open. Suddenly remembering where I was and what had happened to me the night before.

The fighting, the kisses, his touch. The way he had laid next to me in the bed. Both of us naked, and his hands touching me in places I had never been touched before.

Me touching him as I had never touched before. Making him tremble and moan my name as he was clinging to me. So lost in ecstasy and pleasure I gave him as he came all over our bodies.

And making me feel a pang of guilt as the small moment I had enjoyed so dearly just now melted away before my eyes. Dripping over my fingers and faded into nothing.

I was wrong for remembering these things like I was. For feeling the things that I did thinking back.

It was him and him alone who could take those feelings away from me for the moment he was with me. And that was why I feared him most of all.

I realized now I was alone. Alone while I had been with him through the entire night. Alone in the big bed we has shared. With him holding my body close to him as we slept. His arms around my naked waist as his face nuzzled my neck contently.

With him waking me up a few times because of small whimpers escaping him that were undoubtedly caused by nasty dreams.

And making me realize how it felt to share a bed with some one else. To have your body warmed by something more than just sheets.

But he was up and out now. Already taking his position among his crew as the sun was rising. Taking care of the crew, who all seemed to need him so much. Leaving me sleeping in his big bed, in his big room.

Well, I was happy he wasn’t here with me. I wouldn’t know what to say after a night like this. Nor did I want to know what he would say. Or have him see me get out from under the covers as I tried to find my clothes. Having his eyes run over me as my body would flush from the embarrassment caused by the lust in his deep pools of green.

But laying here by myself, awake and alone on a pirate ship full old noises and evil pirates, was not very appealing to me either, so I needed to get up and at least put some clothes on now I had the privacy and time to do it.

Get out of the safe bed to face another day on the ship and leading me closer to that heart attack.

Yes, I'd better start my day, to avoid any more comments about being nothing but a spoiled little rich boy who wanted to sleep in, and eat breakfast. It would be my only pleasant moment of the day, I had no doubt. I would not be surrounded by many pirates as most of them were already upstairs working, and that was one of the few reliefs I had.

Or was it? I tried to ignore the wet spot on the sheets, which couldn’t shock me as much as it had done before, simply because I had known this would happen to me again, as I placed my feet next to the bed onto the cold floor.

I instantly noticed he'd picked my shirt and breeches off the wooden floor and had folded them neatly before placing them on the chair of his desk. The sight made me feel…a little weird inside. It almost seemed like an act of kindness. As if he was trying to be sweet, and I regrettably felt a small smile creep onto my face.

I felt wrong about last night yes. But I knew he hadn’t done it to hurt me. Somehow I knew he didn’t see how it made me feel. That he didn't understand this was wrong. And that wasn’t fair, because it was hard now to resent him for it. Of course not too hard to still try.

I hoped the sheets would be dry before the evening fell, and that there wouldn’t be a stain. But it didn’t make me cry anymore. It only made my cheeks flush and my teeth worry my bottom lip. It was embarrassing, but after all that he had seen of me, and all I had seen of me and him, I knew this was nothing.

Something had changed inside of me, I felt it, and suddenly I felt older than 15. He had gotten to me, as I swore he wouldn’t, and I felt like scratching open my skin to let the feelings pour out all of a sudden. Because it seemed to pound underneath the surface in an attempt to be released.

He was under it. Under my skin. He was in my system. He had wormed his way inside and now there was no way back. Because no matter what he had done to me, and how disgusted I should feel, I couldn't help admitting that the way he had touched me, and looked at me. The sweet things he had said…..

I had never felt so wanted in my life. Never felt so loved, even thought it wasn’t real.

My father never wanted me around much, since I seemed to always disappoint him. I wasn’t the man my brother Jess was, fighting for his country. And my mother showed her love in material wealth I couldn’t care less about in the end.

He looked me in the eyes when he spoke to me. He dared to treat me like an equal instead of either a child or a royalty. He seemed to want me in a room whenever I walked in.

He may hold me hostage, and beat me, mock me and scare me. But nevertheless he seemed more fond of my presence than anyone else.

I was manipulated, I knew. But it affected me, and it changed me. I regretted to say that there would be no one else who would ever affect me like this, because he was simply too unique in his way. There was no one like him, and I could say that for a fact.

I now somewhat understood what the fuss was all about. What Jussi had attacked me for and what made him jealous of the thought of me sleeping with his Captain. It was not his looks, or his humour, his voice or his power…..it was something deeper. Something about the way he lived in his own head, surrounded by darkness that he despised as much as he embraced it, made me realize no one would ever be able to get to him. To get him out.

He was impossible to reach. Impossible to have, and it was what made him so intriguing.

If I hadn’t known better, I might even fall for it, and I understood Jussi had spoken the words because he feared that I would. Thinking I would be too weak.

And yes, I admitted I wasn’t as strong as I wished to be, but I had a plan. I was getting out of here. I was going to leave them all behind. Dead, as I walked out free and clean. They underestimated me….all of them.

No matter how he made me feel.....no matter what he did to me, I didn't care. I would get out of here and I would be saved. Leave all of this behind to never look back again.

I was about to lift my naked body off the bed when I saw something out of the corner of my eye.

Something laying on his pillow.

A pillow still flattened by his head that had only recently rested upon in. The fabric smelling like him. The sheets smelling like him. The whole room....smelling just like him. It was hard not to inhale deeply with every breath.

It was a note.

Why did he leave me a note? I didn’t know how to feel about the strange fact that he...the Captain of the Black heart, just left me a note.

Notes were written to be nice or sweet right? Or was it bad news?

My hands were shaking when I picked up the piece of paper and carefully unfolded it open in my hands. Showing me the inside that was decorated with graceful letters in black ink that was his handwriting.

Long sentences. Big words.

Words I realized I couldn't even read..

Didn’t he know I was still learning? That most boys my age didn’t even know the alphabet?

I could make out my name and other small words but that was all. More was just not normal for a boy my age.

But still here I was, holding a note I couldn't read from a man that might as well be writing down things my life could depend on.

Now what?

I couldn't just let it go, because the question of why he would write me a note already started nagging. I couldn't let it go because he was too dangerous to be ignored.

What if it's important? What if he needed me to do something. I'd be punished if I ignored something he told me and I feared to pay that price.

But I couldn't read it, and I knew there would not be many on board that would be able to. Well, there was him, but of course that would be too humiliating to even consider an option.

So...

Wait!

That wasn’t exactly true. There was someone else. Someone else who could help me figure this out. Someone I could ask this.

Grabbing the note as I jumped up, I knew exactly who I needed for this job.

I needed to find Dani.

**

After jumping into my clothing and covering myself enough to be decent, wearing my black breeches and my white shirt, but without my hat, I walked onto the hallways to discover it empty and still slightly dark from the now slowly dying night. It made me swallow hard before I took the steps I needed to take to get to the place I knew I would find people. To the place noises were coming from. The other end of the hallway.

I hated the dark, still, even thought I knew there were worse things to fear than the night.

I had folded the note neatly before shoving it into the pocket of my breeches, and now I was slowly, one foot in front of the other, approaching the dining room where I would find several pirates, that were not particularly fond of me to say at the least.

And maybe he would be there too. Him. Ridiculously enough that thought could speed up my heartbeat and make it stop at the same time.

I partly wished he was, because he would protect me from the others, and they would behave in front of him. I partly wish he wasn’t……because of everything else.

The sound of my breathing filling my own ears, as if some one was standing right behind me. Why was this part always so hard? Why did every single one of them scare me in a different way?

I jumped when a dark figure suddenly appeared at the end of the corridor as he walked out of the dining room before coming straight at me in a fast pace. Which wasn’t so strange considering the hallway did not have many doors, so there was only one way to. But since I couldn’t make out who it was I felt myself stopping in the centre of it.

"Morning Bam, ye all right?"

I heard and sighed in relief when I noticed it was the bald first mate called Gas that now passed me as he flashed me a toothy grin. I liked him, since he had always defended me from the very first day.

"Yes thank you." I answered him politely as I panted a little from the nerves. Having him chuckle and squeeze my upper arm gently.

Yeah, I liked him. He reminded me of a nice uncle who would always bring you sweets and play fun games with you.

"I’ll be off to help the Cap’n. You have a nice breakfast yeah?"
Gas spoke cheerfully in his raw accent before walking off. Leaving me still a little short of breath as I was now alone again.

Well at least I knew now I wouldn’t find him there. I knew he would not be in the room, since Gas now went to look for him upstairs.

Mixed feelings about my new discovery, I walked on to my destination that was the dining room.

As I finally reached the open door I carefully glanced around the corner before I entered, making sure I was ready to run if necessary.

But everything seemed calm as I noticed only four of the crew were present in the room. Luckily for me, Dani was one of them.

"Eeey, morning Bammie-boy. You’re up so early. You're becoming a true pirate." He laughed as soon as he noticed me, beckoning me to come and walk up to him as he sat on his chair in the middle of the table, and I smiled at him a little shy. Usually a comment like that would not please me whatsoever, but coming from Dani I had to say it sounded rather endearing.

Jussi, who was cleaning his nails with his dagger instantly looked up as he heard my name before looking back down again, focussing on his hand as he mumbled a good morning. Pretending to be the most indifferent person in the world and succeeding fairly well.

At least he wasn’t mad at me. Simply trying to pretend nothing had happened and he didn’t consider me anyone he wanted to waste his precious time on.

Archie, who had been playing a card game with Burton flashed me an evil smirk that made me squeak quietly as Burton gave me a two finger wave.

I greeted all of them modestly before walking closer to Dani, keeping my voice down as I addressed him.

"Dani, could you come with me for a second? I need to show you something." I almost whispered as he cocked an curious eyebrow. Both of us looking back as Archie sneered loudly the moment he heard me.

"Aw, you need to share secrets with yer boyfriend little Bam Bam? Tell him all about yet little slumber party with the Captain last night eey?"

He grinned, as I jumped back in surprise when Dani instantly rose from his chair at his words. Look rather intimidating with his now dark purple eye as he let out a low growl..

" I hope that wasn’t the best one you’ve got cause I’m not laughing." He hissed, and Archie snorted. Nonetheless returning quietly to his card game with Burton who chuckled light-heartedly. No reaction came from Jussi, but I, of course, had not desired one in the first place.

Without further questions Dani followed me onto the hallway as I pulled out the piece of neatly folded paper from my pocket.

I was happy he did not ask me any more questions, but instantly understood I wanted some privacy.

"Right, what it is kiddo?"

He smiled, using a nickname I was not familiar with.

Without explaining any more I handed him the note carefully as he took it before looking at me.

"What is this then?"

"I can’t read it."

"Beg your pardon?"

"The note, I can’t understand most of the words….The Captain left it for me this morning and I was wondering…"

I was blushing now, I just knew it.

I had never been embarrassed by my knowledge, or lack of it. It had always been above average. Ridiculously enough, on this ship I felt like the mentally challenged kid.

"Oh, of course." Dani almost beamed. Loving to be considered smart I figured as he unfolded the note in his hands carefully.

Looking down at the opened note and glancing at the graceful letters like I had done earlier.

But that moment I handed Dani the note. That moment his eyes ran over the first words I could not read, I felt a jolt of panic rushing trough me.

Wait......

That moment, I wanted to rip it out of his hands and shove in deep into my pocket once more. Hidden from all eyes.

Why hadn't I thought about this before?

That what if the note said anything about last night? What if he actually named all the things that had happened? What if it would say anything about the things we has said and done to each other last night? Just thinking about the way Dani would look at me after he found out I had touched his beloved Captain was unbearable. That I had let him touch me. That I was such a weak, easy manipulated child.

That I was everything I was against.

I was so stupid, exposing myself and making myself vulnerable in front of one of my few friends on board. If not my only.

Dani could not see it…..He simply couldn't know. But it was too late. And his cocked eyebrow as he read told me more than I needed or wanted to know.

Standing here in the now slowly lighting corridor, I took a step back as he kept reading. Not wanting him to look up. Panicking. Hyperventilating. Slowly feeling the blood in my face debating whether to either flow towards or away from my paling but flushing cheeks.

He couldn’t know. It would make it the truth as he would look at me differently. It would make me a dirty boy. It would make me a pirate.

And he would tell. He would tell everyone. And they would hate me. Kill me maybe.

Or…..yes even worse than this……they wouldn't care and threat it like it was normal. That lie was even worse than the truth.

So without another word, I made a decision. Without another word, I turned around, and ran.
**