Not all treasure is silver and cold - Chapter 10

Dani didn't say another world as he looked hastily around him to spot me at my place against the rail.

Still, Mige seemed to eye it a little sadly.

"Not that he'll eat much of it. I worry about him sometimes."He spoke, only to have Dani hum in agreement as he tried to light a cigarette with a match.

"I know. Tell him about Jussi when you see him."

Than Migé was gone, leaving me alone with a smoking Dani in the kitchen, and an awful lot of questions.

**

We sat in silence for a moment as Dani handed me the cup made of the beautiful porcelain Dani seemed so fond of. I only stared at it as I watched my brown curls hanging before my eyes as they slowly dried from sitting close to the fireplace with a cooking pot hanging above it.

Migé had used it to make our tea.

My whole body started to dry, and it was nice not to have my clothing cling to my slim body anymore. My hair always curled more when it got damp, and I played with a strand, wrapping it around my finger over and over.

I didn’t even miss my wig that much anymore. Just letting it hang freely was less itchy. I just wish my hair was not so childish and bouncy with it's curls and chocolate brown colour. I wish it was more silky and beautiful and deep dark. Like his.

But he loved my hair. He wanted to bind it together with a silk ribbon. He had told me.

He loved my hair.

"Are you all right Bam?" Dani asked me after a little moment, waking me from my hair thoughts, and I nodded briefly when I heard his concern. It was nice to know he cared.

"I am. Are you?" He smiled at me when I eyed his swollen eye a little frightened and instantly petted my curls with his rough hand.

"I’m fine Bammie. I had way worse. I just wish he wasn’t such an idiot. It makes me….angry."
He confessed, and I nodded. I didn’t know why I agreed, because I had no idea why Jussi was even considered an idiot. Or well.....I didn't know all of the story. I just knew I agreed with Dani.

"Dani?"

"Yes Bam?"

"Is Jussi in love with the Captain?"

It had been my burning question, and finally I dared to ask it as I sat on the floor beside Dani’s bare feet. I needed to know, so things would be more clear. If I knew what was going on, I knew what to look out for. And I hated to have people speaking in front of me without understanding.

Dani’s sighed deeply, taking a drag of his cigarette as he seemed to think before he answered. Happily sipping slow sips from his tea for the moment.

"Something like that yes. You see Bam, he's always wanted to be more than just another crew member to the Captain. He was obsessed with pleasing him. I guess…all of us are in a way but….he just took it too far. He wanted the captain to love him, as something more…"

"As a lover?"

I was afraid to ask, but I couldn’t hold it in. I had to know.

"I guess. But the Captain told him he could never love him that way. Not anyone. Not even himself. His past caused that, he's too afraid to let anyone in. He basically broke Jussi’s heart. He gave him hope by taking out his…frustrations on Jussi for a while and having him stay with him, but Jussi mistook it for something else and…"

"And he got upset."

"Well see, that's just it. He wasn’t upset at first. He thought it was just a problem the captain had to deal with. But since this morning he suddenly changed. The Captain left you really early to talk to us about you. That we're not allowed to hit or touch you …or scare you in any way.

He wants us to treat you like we would treat him and so you're allowed the better food, clothing and his bed. Even to sit in his chair. You'll be part of the crew from now one until we make land and write that letter.

He's never threatened anyone like this Bam. It confused some of the crew members. Especially Jussi."

I didn’t know why that shock, mixed with more confusion, made place for a warmer feeling spreading inside of me as I heard Dani telling me all this. Simply because…

I didn’t want to be part of the crew.

I did not want to be a hostage.

But he protected me. He was trying to make my stay at least as comfortable as possible. He took care of me.

And even though he hit me, abused my mind and possibly would abuse my body in the near future, it told me he was not always the monster I had thought he was. Not always.

But no, he was still a monster. What he did was still wrong. He was a lying, stealing, murderer. I had to keep telling myself that, or he would also brainwash me like the rest of them all.

"So now he's jealous?" I concluded with a frown, not knowing what else to ask and not believing Jussi could mistake this for anything else than it really was. Disgust from my part, abuses from his part. It was nothing but a sick, criminal and dominating situation.

Nothing anyone should ever envy.

"He's never been like this before Bam. And I know you don't see this. Hell I even understand his frustration but….he had no right to attack you. You don’t want any of this. He should know better. But yes, you could say he is jealous."

I almost wanted to laugh at the stupidity of the situation. Jussi being jealous. The captain liking me? Yes he protected me, but it had nothing to do with liking, let alone love. If they knew the things he did to me. How he hit me and mocked me. How he spoke to me. They would never mistake that for kindness if the knew what was going on.

And how could he even like me if….

"But Jussi said he was insane or something. That he couldn’t love. What's that all about than?"

I started to get bolder with Dani, as I now wanted to understand this ridiculous nonsense.

Another sigh as Dani finished his cup of tea and placed it back on the table. Obviously not knowing where to start and with a whole lot to tell. I was too curious not to want him to tell it all.

"Long story Bam, really. There is a reason why everyone thinks the Captain is so fond of you. You see, you and the Captain have more in common than you would think. He, himself was once the son of a governor."

**

My heart stopped beating for a brief moment. The captain? The son of a governor? Like me? This could not be the truth. There was no way a governor’s son could and up like him. We were not like.....these people. We were different. Better. It couldn't be true.

".......What?"

" Yeah, he was the son of the governor of Helsinki . He would even have been the governor himself when he turned 16 years old and married one of the girls his father had picked out for him.

It was when his father found out his preference for boys, he went completely ballistic and started considering the Captain a disgrace for the family. He first tried to deny the whole thing until The captain told him he didn’t want to be married.

He even caught him when he was kissing his then boyfriend Jonne in the garden and had him executed."

" Executed?"

I swallowed hard at the horror of having your loved one executed for the simple reason of you loving him. The thought how that would make anyone feel was...sickening.

"His father said he was sick and possessed for him feeling this way, and made a priest perform exorcism on him for weeks and weeks. Having him tied to a bed as the hurt him, drugged him and performed weird rituals on him and his body.

Nothing worked obviously. Than he started to look for other reasons and started to blame the Captain's mother. See, the Captain was a bastard child as his father has accidentally got an Hungarian woman pregnant in his younger days and had been forced to marry her. The Governor started to blame his wife, the Captain’s mother, and had her executed too. Making Ville watch the whole scene as they burned her alive."

I noticed Dani using his first name for the very first time as anger raised his voice. Obviously emotionally touched by the story, and as much as I didn’t want to be, so was I.

"His mother had been the only one understanding and accepting him for who he was. She was a warm, sweet and beautiful woman, and the Captain was a spitting image of her. He still is."

It was horrifying. Horrifying how anyone could have been put through such horror. I wondered if the Captain had told him this himself, and if every crew member was aware of this.

No human being, not even the evil ones, should be forced to go through such horror. It hurt hearing this, and I wish it didn't. I was hurting for him. For the man I hated.

"He ran that day. Swearing to never love again and to get as far away from his father as possible. He wanted to sail and become a pirate. To become everything his father despised, and to never let anyone close to him again. So he would never get hurt, or have anyone hurt because of him."

It was sick. Unlike anything I had ever heard of. Finally some things started to make sense, but it only started to make things more difficult in a way.

I felt myself sympathising with him. I felt myself starting to understand him.

"And when Jussi and Jyrki became part for the crew……"

Dani continued, and I kept silent. I wanted to hear more about his tragic past even though I couldn’t quite place why that was. Why it was that every single thing about this man fascinated me so deeply. Why everything about him was so intense that I couldn't stand it. Why it was that…

But Dani was never able to finish what he was about to say, as we were than interrupted by the sound of fast approaching footsteps coming towards us. Footsteps that I recognized, and why it was wise to stop talking about this matter.

It was why my heart started to beat so much faster than it had before. Why my cheeks started flushing and the hairs rise on the back of my neck

"Bam, Dani, are you two all right? Migé told me what happened."

There he was in the doorway. So sudden I had top blink twice to see if it was real. His voice so beautiful with concern. His green gaze bewildered and his hair shining like dark gold. His hands place on both sides of the doorway.

"Fine captain." Dani spoke gently, his voice betraying the joy he was obviously experiencing in having his Captain's attention. Standing up to walk over to him and show off his bruised eye.

"But look what he did to me."

"Jesus Christ Dani. Jussi will be punished for this, don’t you worry."

The Captain spoke almost angrily as he grabbed both sides of Dani's head to examine him carefully and having Dani smiling at his reaction

"From what I heard he already is."

He simply nodded in approval than, as he reached out to touch Dani’s swollen eye very gently before withdrawing his hand and sighing.

"I don’t know what his problem is Dani, really. I understand he's hurt but……"

" I know."

It was when both men fell silent, and Dani announced he should get back to work before grabbing his clothes and leaving the kitchen with a wink towards me, that he finally seemed to notice me standing in the kitchen, still looking a little damp and small as my shoulders slumped.

I felt so small around him. Even with a broken heart, he was stronger than any person I had ever seen. He radiated that power still, even confused and shocked as he was right now.

"Bam, are you ok? Did he hurt you? Did he yell at you?" He rambled with a concerned frown, startling me by suddenly falling onto his knees before me as he grabbed my shoulders gently with both hands, inspecting me for an injuries as he looked into my eyes with his widened, gorgeous green ones as I looked back. Having me slip into him deeper and deeper.

"I’m fine captain. It wasn’t that bad."I lied, knowing Jussi sure had scared me a great deal. But somehow I wanted the captain not to worry. He had enough on his mind. I wanted him to be strong again.

"You don’t deserve this Bammie. It won’t happen again. Not if I have anything to do with it, ok? I promise."
He spoke so seriously he almost scared me. Now I heard his story, a little shove and some rough words…were absolutely nothing. Why did he worry so much. Why did he care so much about Jussi hurting me?

I was stunned when he kept looking at me with his widened, deep green eyes before suddenly, without any warning, pulled me flushed against him into a tight hug. Rubbing my upper arms gently with his hands and he hold me close to his kneeled body.

Hugging me, and having my body tingle form the sensation of being so close to his perfect, delicate and warm body.

I tried to resist closing my eyes to take in his smell, but I couldn’t. I didn’t. I did close my eyes and allowed myself to feel the warmth and softness of his body. To feel his hair graze my damp cheek and to smell the tobacco, the sea, and the deep smell that was simply him.

"Look Bammie, I'll talk to him ok? And I won’t have you alone with him anymore. I should have known……..I just wanted......It will be alright. It will all be fine. No one will hurt you."

He was so gentle, and so sweet as he whispered the promise in my ear. His lips grazing my ear shell for a moment as his hot breath made the skin tingle.

It stopped me from wanting to ask if he had forgotten about the scene from this morning. He had hurt me himself. But that didn't seem to matter. He controlled that.

I understood now he wanted that control, only from his hands. Because he was scared when it came to dealing with me. He didn’t want to get hurt. He was a control freak.

It was the only explanation.