Not all treasure is silver and gold - Chapter 9

I had wanted to drift off.

I'd wanted to at least tumble into that state of sleep where my brain wouldn't realize where I was and what was happening to me anymore. Where I wouldn't feel the ropes cutting into my flesh every time I tried to move, and the tightness of my body as my lust and despair crawled underneath my heated skin.

I wanted to just let go and close my eyes so I would no longer have to watch his sleeping body on the bed in front of me. The thin, silk covers draped carelessly over him and showing every curve of his perfect body so well as it flowed gracefully over his round hips.

He enthralled me, with his closed eyes and those rosy cheeks, breathing heavily, but ever so slowly through his little turned up nose. His eyebrows sometimes frowning, sometimes relaxing again as a corner of his mouth curled up into a little smile. He was dreaming, and I wondered if I even wanted to think about what he was seeing behind those dark, closed eyelids.

I'd wanted to fall asleep before my eyes got a chance to get used to the darkness, but I had failed, and now I could see his pale skin clearly standing against the dark. His beauty haunting my night and keeping me up, and I hated him for having me studying his face and body so intently without being able to stop.

Specially since I had now seen him....in such a different light.

He looked so peaceful and innocent, like a child. Like he wasn't the worst, most cruel and evil pirate captain in the world. Like I didn't need to fear or my life being stuck in his room with him being able to do whatever he pleased to do with me. Even though right now, that didn't seem like much as he seemed in his own little happy dream world.

My body was still aching in need of release. But now the heat of the moment was gone I could focus again on what was truly important and what was really going on. Now, I only felt shame thinking back at how I'd acted as he'd teased me only hours ago.

I had almost given into him and betrayed my beliefs. My soul, my family and my God. It wasn't me who had done this, it was Satan trying to sway me. I hadn't even recognised myself and the way I'd acted, and I felt burning embarrassment that hurt even more than my physical discomfort.

But it didn't matter, I convinced myself of it just to ease the storm inside my head. It didn't matter because nothing happened. Temptation and impure thought were normal for a boy my age. The Priest had told me myself. I just had to resist them and never give in. Then, none of this would matter.

And in time, I would get my opportunity to get back for all the torture he was putting me through. Soon I would get my revenge and send him back to where he belonged, in hell. I would do as he asked me, as long as it wasn't against my beliefs, and earn his trust. Then, I would make my move. I might not succeed in escaping, but I would at least wash his evil soul from the face of the earth, as God would want me to.

These thoughts made me feel slightly calmer as I knew my soul was still saved. If only the image of him could be burned off my eyes. The image of him writhing against his soft sheets, moaning sinful words and touching himself as he threw his head back in pleasure. Moaning my name as he wanted me to see what he was doing to himself.

And the stiffness in my breeches wasn't going away with this vision haunting my mind. I could only pray it would disappear and give me some rest, as it burned from the memory I was trying to forget.

My body tensed when he suddenly moved.

Stretching himself and rolling over to his other side.

Now I had only his silky dark hair facing me, together with his lean shoulders and bare back marked with tattoos. A tattoo of two eyes on his shoudlerblades.

Two eyes that were watching me as he faced the other way, making me gasp as if he were awake and staring right at me.

But it was just a picture, I told myself. A picture on his flesh. Those eyes could not see.

He made the slightest sound as he moved, almost like sigh before everything
was quiet once again. I prayed with my hands balled into fists that he wouldn't
wake up. That I would have a few more hours of peace, without having my mind
used as a toy again. If not worse, my body.

But he seemed deep in his own little dream world once again, as he didn't
move, or make any more noises.

Now he was no longer facing me, I could feel myself calming down and finally starting to slip. With my eyes no longer glued to his perfect face, I lost interest in my surroundings, and it allowed my body to finally feel the tiredness caused by everything that had happened.

But sleeping here with him in the same room, not knowing whether he would
wake up first, that thought was unbearable. I could not fall asleep.I had to guard myself and make sure he wouldn't harm me. I needed to will this burning hardness away before I had an embarrassing moment again. I had to keep an eye on him and....and......

It was than I finally drifted into a slumber. Dreaming of soft white skin and dark hair. Dreaming of my name on his lips.

**

I felt his soft, rough hands sliding over my bare back. He gentle eased my knees apart with his own as his stomach pressed against mine. His lips sliding over my collarbone as his hair grazed my skin softly.

"Bam. Bammie."

Yes, he was moaning my name again. And he spoke it so delicately. Like it was the air he breathed. As if it was the most beautiful word in the world. As if it was a prayer that needed to be spoken with care and love.

"Bam...Bam."

It made my body tingle all over as he said it again and again. Deep down I couldn't resist wishing I could hear him say it again.

"BAM!"
With a jerk, I was pulled roughly out of the warm, comfortable place that had been my dream as I fell hard and cold into reality.

I was in his room again, now lit by the morning sun shining through the small, round window. My body painfully hanging against the ropes that were holding me to the chair as my relaxed body suddenly jumped against them.

 It had been a dream. I remembered now. I remembered where I was. I remembered what had happened. All when I looked right into the face of the man that was the cause of all my problems. He was standing before me with a content smile on his face and folded arms.

He'd been the one calling my name all along. Only to have me wake up.
“There you are. You must have been exhausted sweetheart. Did you sleep well?”
He asked me innocently cheerful, betraying himself with that devilish grin plastered on his face.

I was tired, I was hungry, I was confused, I was dirty and I was in pain. Most of all, I was hurt by his sarcasm. All of these feelings giving me the courage to actually glare at him instead of giving him an answer.A glare that only seemed to amuse him more.

“Now, don’t you give me that look. You picked the chair remember? Maybe tonight you'll choose more wisely.” He preached, like a mother to a child feeling sick after eating too much sugar. A sparkle of joy in his perfect green eyes that stood out so bright against his freshly applied makeup surrounding them.

He looked so amused and relaxed, and I knew he was testing me. Provoking a
reaction from me because he knew I'd been suffering all night because of his
little display. He wanted to see me break.

I wanted to convince myself he'd never break me, but I was interrupted by my own thoughts as I noticed he'd dressed himself again. Wearing those tight silk breeches, and his leather boots. The belt, his cutlass, the rosary. It was all back into place.

But his black shirt was replaced for a similar white one, making me stare while taking in the change it made for his look. The way his hair stood out as the dark strands fell on his now white clad shoulders. The way it brought out the redness of his lips and the green in his eyes, even more than usual. He was simply breathtaking. Which only made things worse.

“Now, let’s get these ropes off you darling. They don’t look too pleasant.”
He spoke kindly, his words bringing me back into reality. I was upset with him. I hated him. I despised him. No need for me to notice the way the slight flush on his high cheekbones was brought out because of the white. That in white he looked slightly, but only slightly less intimidating than in black. 

That, of course could only be more dangerous, as it could completely misguide you into thinking it was actually true.

As he carefully and surprisingly gently untied the ropes and unwrapped them from my body, I was once again deeply shocked and embarrassed as I glanced down. I had wanted to take my eyes off him so I didn't notice how the shorter strands of his hair fell playfully into his eyes as he kneeled before me.

Only to discover something much worse.

**

I hadn't even noticed that the stiffness in my breeches had not so magically disappeared, as his wake up call had scared me too much to pay attention to anything apart from his next move on me. But I quickly realized the cause of it as there was a white stain visible on my crotch area. The tightness in my
belly was gone, and I had sinned once again.

It would be quite the hour during my next confession.

That dream. That dream about him. My sleeping body has simply given me permission to release myself. All while I had been dreaming about him. This
was the worst day of my life.

Why was I turning into such a monster?

I felt my eyes burning again. I couldn't help it. I was becoming such an evil creature. I knew it was still able for my soul to be saved after all of this was over, since nothing too terrible had happened just yet, but this was pure torture in my mind. The thought of him seeing what he'd done to me and giving him such satisfaction, plus the embarrassment of doing something this wrong made me want to curl up and simply die.

He had seen it. He was kneeling before me, now done with the ropes as my body started to feel less sore, no longer being tied down. But I couldn't even enjoy that relief as all I could do was watch him being eye to eye with my crotch as he glanced over the stain.

I expected him to laugh at me, tease me or maybe even punish me. But he scared me even more when he didn’t say anything, simply standing up. Face unchanged as he turned and walked to the chest in the corner.

Almost as if he would have been suprised if it had not been there.

I quickly stood up, not wanting to risk being tied up again, and I could feel the sensation of my blood rushing through my legs as I wobbled on them. It felt so good to be able to move again, and it made my head slightly spin.

My cheeks were burning and my eyes were tearing as I stood there, too shocked and miserable to do anything else. I truly hated that he could make me hate myself like this.

“Heey Bam, heads up.”
I looked up as he asked me, only to catch a clean pair of breeches he had thrown my way. I caught them just in time as he closed the chest again and turned around to look at me, cocking a perfect eyebrow as he noticed my condition.

“Bam, are you crying again? I understand this is not fantasyland for you but
toughen up boy, this is a pirate ship. What's this about than?” He asked me, slightly annoyed but still kind. Almost making my jaw drop at the stupidity of the question. He was truly as insane as I'd given him credit for. I wanted to stay quiet, but my anger got the best of me.

“What's this about? What do you think this is about?”
I heard myself sob, as shocked by my own reaction as he seemed to be. His green eyes widened before they narrowed again, as he seemed taken aback.

“Tell me.”
He simply commended, folding his arms as he walked around me. Almost encircling me like a tiger as I stood in the middle of his room, hugging my new breeches to my chest with angry tears in my blue eyes.

“You kidnap me. You hit me. You mock me. You touch me and…….what you did last night….”

His mouth broke into a small smile as he seemed to be thinking back for a brief moment, obviously enjoying himself.

“Last night I didn’t do anything to you Bam. Only to me. It’s not my fault you got off on it like you did.”

My face burned like fire at his words. I had never heard that expression before in my life. But I knew exactly what he meant by it.

“I did not….” I started with an angry shout, but he interrupted me.

“Yeah, that stain you got right there begs to differ princess. Now, get dressed and get to the dinning room for your breakfast. I’ll have Jussi give you your duty today.”

He spoke casually, letting me know this conversation was over. Leaving me wonder what he meant by….

“My duty?”
Again, a faint smile decorated his mouth, as he grabbed his hat and coat from the desk chair.

“You didn’t think you could just stay here without actually earning your food and shelter now do you? You're gonna work for the first time in your life boy. Congrats, this is a big day for you.” He mocked, opening the door as I took in the insanity of his words. I was going to work for staying in a place I didn't want to be in? I was going to do pirate’s work?

He put on his hat and coat, but instead of leaving like I'd expected him to, he walked back over to me again. With an expression as if he had forgotten something important.

I couldn't quite understand it until I suddenly felt his hand connecting with the side of my face with such force that I tumbled backwards instantly and landed on the hard floor. Whimpering in pain and surprise as I reached for my already bruised head that was now trobbing with fresh pain.

“That was for not calling me Captain. Don’t tell me I didn't warn you. Now hurry up.”

He spoke calmly but in a low tone before I heard him turn around and leave.
Leaving me on the floor of his cabin.
**

Ten minutes later I had managed to pick myself up off the floor, make my head stop spinning and dress myself with shaking fingers.

He had hit me. Why had that been such a surprise? Why was something this disturbing not shocking me anymore?  It almost felt like....I had brought this on myself but not...

Oh this was insane. And extremely painfull.

Now I was off to the dining room as the Captain had commanded me to, to eat my breakfast and meet with Jussi to do my duty. 

Every step through that long corridor made me want to turn round more and more, but I was too scared not to do as he told me. I knew I simply had to obey him and earn his trust to make my plan work and save my soul.

I had to keep reminding myself of this.

Luckily, no one else seemed down here, and I didn't run into any pirates on my way to the room. I didn’t know if I would be able to handle another painful encounter today. Still I kept my frightened eyes open so I wouldn’t be in for any more surprises.

The dining room, that had been so crowded and loud the day before, seemed, even from my spot in the corridor, quiet and empty. Making me release a breath as I approached it now with a faster pace.

When my wobbling legs had finally led me to it, I noticed I was wrong. The door was open, making it able for me to have a look inside, and see there were indeed pirates inside. Making my heart beat faster in my chest I didn’t dare to enter.

Jussi and the quiet guy named Linde sat in the back of the room, next to the chair that was only to be used by the captain, with Jussi whispering franticly to Linde who seemed to be eating a piece of bread as he listened to his crew mate with little interest.

“I’m telling ye Linde, he’ll cause trouble. The captain doesn’t see it. We need to get rid of him.”

I could barely make out the words, but I knew he was talking about me as he balled his fist and slammed it into the table. His face was flushed and his eyes narrowed and angry.

His anger made me feel like a hunted fox. What had I done wrong? It seemed like every single person on this ship had some sort of sick desire to hurt me.

Something about me really seemed to frustrate this man, and…..I would be working with him all day long. Things could not have gotten any worse. I felt like I was going to faint now as I held the wall with both hands.

Linde only shrugged, replying so softly I didn't hear him, but it sure seemed to anger Jussi even more as he shoved back his chair back in one angry movement.

“Don’t you get it Linde! This is not…..”
But it was then he noticed me standing halfway in the threshold, holding the wall and probably pale as a sheet. He instantly silenced as he glared at me, obviously trying to calm himself down while Linde stood up from his chair.

“Give it a rest Jussi.”
He mumbled, his face hidden behind those blonde spider legs as he walked out of the room and past me. Greeting me with a quiet;” Morning Bam.” Before leaving and heading upstairs.

Leaving me alone with one very frustrated pirate named Jussi.

**

“Sit down and eat your breakfast. We don’t have all day.” He sneered, whipping his dark hair away from his face as he glared at me.

He pointed at a plate set up on the table before the captain’s chair, as his other hand motioned me to move faster. Obviously very impatient with me as he seemed extremely annoyed about something. That something had to do with me, but I couldn’t quite place my finger on it yet, I hadn’t done anything wrong so far, had I?

I went to grab the plate and move to the chair next to the captain’s one, but Jussi stopped me with an irritated;

"No. For some weird ass reason the captain allows you to eat in his chair if he's not around. So sit down and eat.”

He said it as if every word made him nauseous. Like it was the most filthy and disgusting thing he'd ever seen or heard of. It made me wonder why as a weird sensation filled me knowing the Captain had actually said this to his crew. 

A sensation I quickly shook off as I sat down on the beautiful, soft and way too big wooden chair. I wondered if it had been the chair of a king once.

“Why…”

I started, as my curiosity got the best of me, but Jussi got me off with an evil sneer.

“I don’t know why, you little brat, now shut the fuck up and eat.”

His outburst had me quickly looking at my plate, almost making me smile in surprise as I saw the bacon and eggs laying on it.

Bacon. Meat. For breakfast? That was only meant for royalty. I had never had it before in my life, and I was the governor’s son. This was almost unheard of, but absolutely the best thing that had happened to me on this ship so far.

It was simply…

“EAT!!”

I had no more time to think it over as Jussi became impatient, having me quickly clean my plate as my empty stomach made a little happy dance inside
of me.

Migé sure was one evil man, but an amazing cook.

**

I almost had to run as I followed Jussi, who walked with quick and angry pace in front of me as he commanded me to follow him. I wondered if he was still upset about having to work the nightshift, or if something had happened between him and Jyrki. He had seemed so much more cheerful last night drinking his rum and making jokes.

He had even…..fancied me in a way. Saying I was pretty.

“So, the Captain wanted to find me an appropriate duty for ye eey, so I figured ye would do the ultimate awful pirate duty there is. Perfect for a scurvy cabin boy like yerself. You're gonna swab the deck.” He almost laughed evilly as we now entered the deck of the ship, passing pirates who were all at work. Some greeting me,some ignoring me.

I looked around for the Captain or Dani, but neither one seemed on the back deck where Jussi and I were now walking.

Swab the deck? Clean? Like a maid? It was disgusting. If my father could see me now.

I know Jussi would hurt me if I protested, so I kept my mouth shut, but inside I cringed. This was below me. This was not what I was supposed to do.

“And I'm going to watch you to make sure you do your job properly. If not,
you'll be punished by me personally.”

I knew he wasn't kidding as he walked me to the back part of the ship, a bucket of water and a mop waiting for me as we arrived. A sight that made me want to run.

I was stuck on a ship, being watched by one moody, evil pirate and forced to clean. I couldn’t believe the thought was crossing my mind, but I started to miss the Captain.

He was at least kind to me….sometimes.

“Well swabbie. Sawb.” Jussi laughed cruelly, not seeming truly amused, but still finding my obvious discomfort funny. He handed me the mop as he sat himself down on a barrel. Folding his arms as he waited for me to begin.

And I did. I knew I had to be bigger than this. I could not disobey him, because it would only please him. I would simply be silent and do as I was told. Trying not to think too much about anything else but the mop in my hand.

At least my stomach was filled again.

I placed the mop into the bucket of water, before splashing it onto the wood, spreading it with the mops before doing the same thing again, and Jussi seemed to be brooding on his barrel.

This was not so bad actually. I was in the sun, being left alone for the moment being as Jussi stayed silent, as I felt the cool water washing over my bare and hot feet.

**

We stayed like this for the moment. Me cleaning and playing with the water over my feet, and wanting to get the colour of the quickly drying wood to be the same in every spot so I had to rewash every spot quickly, and Jussi moping on his barrel. It was after a minute or twenty he finally spoke up.

“So you slept in the Captain's cabin last night eyy?”

He asked me as if he did not care, but I realized that for some reason…he did.

“Yes.”
I simply replied. Working on and not knowing what else to say.

“And?”
As innocent as my mind was, I somehow knew he was trying to figure out…..what had happened last night between the captain and me. If something had happened. He wanted to know if we'd slept together. If he'd touched me.

“I slept on a chair.”

I spoke. For some reason, speaking to Jussi didn't scare me that much. Because behind that tough and evil act, he seemed more insecure than I was.

“He didn't want you to sleep in his bed?”
The cheerful tone gave it all away. I started to understand where this was all about.
What his bad mood had been all about.

“Yes he did, but I didn’t.”
A loud noise came from behind me as Jussi had jumped us and the barrel had fallen over.He seemed upset once again.

“Did he kiss you?”

“Yes.”

“Did he touch you?”

“….Yes.”

That last answer was a lie. I knew he was not referring to the cuddles he had given me. Still every word I spoke seemed to upset him even more. Seemed to make him weaker. For some reason, I enjoyed not being the one being completely powerless.

“Goddamnit! Bam ye listen to me…”
He cursed as he walked up to me, spinning me around by one arm as he faced me.

“Ye stay away from the Captain. No matter what happens Bam, he doesn’t love you. He doesn’t want you. He doesn’t want anyone, ye understand? No matter what he does to ye, or what he says to ye.” He spat, seeming highly frustrated and confusing me with his words. I simply nodded with widened eyes, now afraid he would hurt me and not so amused by this game any longer.

“He's not normal Bam. He be traumatized by his past. Things that happened…..He can’t love. He can;t love any one. Don’t fall for him.”

It was this insanity that made me speak up again. Why did he not understand I was here against my will? That I hated the captain and every single person in this crew?

“He kidnapped me! He hurts me and abuses me. Why in the world would I fall for
him? Why would I ever love him?” I almost shouted, having both my shoulders grabbed by Jussi as he shook his head furiously.

“Because you will Bam. Everyone does. It’s too hard not too. He has this.....Look, you will only end up having your heart ripped out and smahed into a million pieces. He won’t love you. He can’t love you. I should know."

He spoke more gently now, calming both of us down as more nonsense came out
of his mouth. He confused me a great deal as I looked at him with a frown.

“Than why do you warn me? What is it to you if ever would get my heart broken?”

I asked him, not understanding his outburst and reaction to this all.No understanding why he would think I would fall for this evil fiend.It was than Jussi let go of me, stepping back with widened eyes, as if he just realized something important. Something he'd not even realized  before. 

Something that seemed to confuse and infuriate him even more.
“Because I could be wrong. He looks at you differently. And you....you don't have the right.....You are just a.....”

He suddenly stopped his whispering, making me frown as I was holding my mop with both hands. I had no clue what he was talking about, or what to think of this
whole scene.

All I knew was that it angered him even more when he walked up to my bucket of water and suddenly  kicked it over the deck, having all the water spilling over it at once.

*KLANG*

“You missed a spot.”
He hissed evily as he gave me a hard shove, until I fell flat on my face into the soaked wood, having my new breeches, my shirt and my face drenched by it as Jussi stormed off

Having me laying on the deck soaked, confused and scared.Having me laying on the deck as I heard a furious voice calling out to Jussi.

"JUSSI. You come back here right NOW!"




Cliffhanger? What cliffhanger? This?? Naaaaa, I've done way worse! Thank you angels for being so good for mee, your Captain! You can all go swimming this afternoon in the sea next to the ship! Watch out for sharks! Cookies, rum, soda's and dollies for all! As long as you play with them in a very manly way!!
Please let me know what you think and why and how and when and who!!! By sweeeties!